Epic Fail

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Elise Benton = Elizabeth Bennet
Derek Edwards = Fitzwilliam Darcy
Juliana Benton = Jane Bennet
Chase Baldwin = Charles Bingley
Webster Grant = George Wickham
EPIC FAIL = The Ya-Lit version of PRIDE AND PREJUDICE
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And that’s what the book is all about in a nutshell.

But being a die-hard Pride and Prejudice fan means that I would like to ramble on for a bit.

Elise Benton and her three sisters are the newest students at Coral Tree Prep, LA. The effluent school is littered with the rich, poutingly-perfect, privileged offspring of some of the country’s biggest and smallest celebrities. Coupled with the fact that Elise’s mother is the school’s new (highly unpopular, slightly bizarre and extremely regimented) principal, this means that the Benton sisters have a steep social-path to climb. Elise finds herself as a reluctant member of one of the most hallowed cliques in the school when Juliana catches the eye and admiration of Derek Edwards’ affable best friend, Chase Baldwin.

And who, pray tell, is Derek Edwards?

Derek, with his sullen superstar good looks, is a God among the twittering demigods of Coral Tree Prep. He is the offspring of Hollywood’s most famous celebrity couple and is pretty much the uncrowned prince of the school. While Elise is not exactly immune to Derek’s rare smiles and flashes of warmth, neither is she floored by his snootiness and odd tendency to sometimes act like a Grad A Jerk. Instead, she prefers the sunnier charms of social outcast, Webster Grant.

And lo and behold! The saga of Lizzy and Darcy comes alive in a new and revamped setting.
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Elizabeth Bennet is one of my all-time favourite fictional heroines. She was someone I aspired to be. In a time when other damsels were simpering and clucking and having fainting frenzies, Lizzie was the exception. Strong-willed, a tad opinionated, not prone to frills and fancies and yet... a simpatico young lady who was doused with wit and wisdom. Fitzwilliam Darcy is my eternal fictional crush. I never tire of the seemingly snobbish gentleman who yearned for the love of Lizzie despite his better and questionable judgement.

Epic Fail did a brilliant job of modernising my favourite duo. Elise Benton was an intelligent heroine who never acted like a lovelorn loon. Derek Edwards was brooding Darcy brought to preppy life. The dialogue was quirky and smart and a throwback to the banter from ’10 Things I Hate About You’. The Benton family was the embarrassing coterie that we cringed over in the original story. And then ofcourse, we have the plot twists and the character follies that symbolize misplaced pride and unfounded prejudices.

I judge the power of an engaging read by it’s ability to compel me to finish it at a fiendish pace. I was done with this book in half-a-day. It’s not a classic. It’s not perfect. It has a few pitfalls. And no, don’t go by it’s lack-lustre cover.
It’s a bendy, light-hearted summer read that does justice to the mother of all chick-lit books.

In short (and I know it’s hackneyed), the book is an EPIC WIN.

Fairest

Fairest is a fairly engaging Fairy-tale.

It has the commoner heroine with low self-esteem, the prince with golden looks (and endearing pet/sidekick), the beautiful (and vile and obnoxious and double-dealing) queen, the helpless king, the assortment of good, bad and bl-ehh characters and enough adventure to keep you hooked till the end. There’s a beautiful message ensconced in the tale and it’s something that I heartily approve with.

A passage I especially liked (written by the protagonist’s father) went :

Daughter, we didn’t need your note – or a prince’s visit – to tell us you’d done nothing wrong. We know the daughter we raised. We fear for your future, but never for your character. You take our love and our trust wherever you wander.
Father

In all, the story is another charming medieval tale from the reliable Gail Carson Levine. ‘Elle Enchanted’ will always hold a special place in my heart, but Fairest comes pretty close.

The Tales Of Beedle The Bard

I have to admit…this book was bought purely for sentimental reasons. I was at the tail-end of July’ 11 (unofficially termed as *Harry Potter Month*) and had exhausted all my available resources of Potter memorabilia. I had desisted for long and now, I ordered it with the sole intention of treating it as a cherished keepsake.

I still get a smile on my face when I remember Hermione being handed over the book as per Dumbledore’s will and Ron piping in excitedly “Babbity Rabbity And Her Cackling Stump!”, only to be greeted by vacant stares from both Harry and (surprisingly enough) Hermione. The book was basically popular bedtime reading for young witches and wizards, which explains why the usually gormless Ron was so familiar with it.

The Tales of Beedle The Bard is a fairly thin volume that contains five fairy tales from the Wizarding World. Accompanying them are the tongue-in-cheek notes of Prof.Dumbledore. Having a slightly more morbid edge when compared to normal (read:muggle) fairy tales, the stories still weave in wise homilies. My favourite tale has always been “The Tale of The Three Brothers” (especially after watching the brilliant bit of goose-bump inducing animation in the movie) and I’m embarrassed to say that I read it out loud for the sheer pleasure of doing so.

This is purely an indulgence for Potter fans and must be read in the same spirit.

City of Fallen Angels(The Mortal Instruments, Book #4)

I read the reviews after buying the book (never a smart move at the best of times). The ratings were dismal and the opinions ranged from scornful to downright scathing. Another impulsive purchase (I often get blindslided by eye-catching artwork) gone astray and I was geared for the sad fact that my reading of this book would be peppered with the occasional teeth gnashing/ eye-rolling.

But….

But… I liked the book. I really did. So.Shoot.Me.

First up, a little summary:

CITY OF FALLEN ANGELS begins a few months after the epic battle that ended in the CITY OF GLASS. Fellow Shadowhunters, Clary Fairchild and Jace Wayland are in love…an all-encompassing, seemingly secure love that is oddly threatened by a dark secret harboured by Jace. Clary’s best friendSimon is adjusting to his new life as a vampire…a Daylighter, to be precise. Overnight he has turned from a skinny nerd into an unexpected “playa” dating two girls (Isabelle and Maia) simultaneously. This could be the least of his problems because he suddenly finds himself to be the most sought after pawn in the warring Vampire community. Another pressing issue is that murdered Shadowhunters seem to be popping up all over New York City. It doesn’t help that the victims (who were members of Valentine’s Circle) have been killed in a manner that is meant to provoke hostility between Downworlders and Shadowhunters.
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Why I didn’t go *ack!, erlack!, Sacre Bleu!?!!!* while reading the book:

a) I didn’t expect to like the Jace-Clary love story. I agree with the readers who were pretty content with the fact that a trilogy was sufficient to tie up all the loose ends and have the *newly-united-through-wrath-of-hell-and-brimstone* couple saunter off into the horizon.

Happily.Ever.After.

The End.

BUT, I read the aftermath of their love story without feeling the need to rip my arm off and club myself on the head with it repeatedly (a feeling I am well-acquainted with after wading through reams of Twilight Trauma). Jace and Clary may be a self-absorbed pair but it’s not a patch on the mind-numbing selfishness of Bella and Edward. I wasn’t subjected to continuous monologues on how painfully-beautiful Jace was or how perfectly-precious Clary was or how the whole wide world could go take a flying leap so long as Jace and Clary could snog each other senseless.

Sure they did have the odd emo moment. Sure they whined and cribbed and check their silent phones incessantly. But it’s okay. They are teenagers, (super-amped, night-creature fighting teenagers, no doubt); but teenagers nevertheless. How could the author make them sound like a fledgling couple going through some seriously warped issues without throwing in the obligatory teen rant? It’s understandable. It IS tedious, but NOT terrible. Jace endeared himself to me when he went

“If you died, I wouldn’t want to live. But I wouldn’t kill myself, because whatever happens after we die, I want to be with you there. And if I killed myself, I know you’d never talk to me again. In any life. So I’d live, and I’d try to make something out of my life, until I could be with you again.”

I liked the fact that it displayed a spunky quality in Clary and a grounded side to Jace. It’s not Shakespeare. But it is oddly sensible.

b) I liked Simon Lewis all through the trilogy. I liked him as the geeky best friend pining over an unrequited love. And I like him now; a seemingly cool, smart-mouthed vampire with an oddly endearing vulnerability. The Mark of Cain which is his cursed blessing was a crucial tool in the story and it was employed effectively. Clare has fledged out his character and loaded him with enough moments to make him a crucial player in the story. Notwithstanding the reluctant warrior role that he portrays, he is the kind of trusty friend every supernatural a**-kicking heroine needs.

c) Isabelle and Magnus Bane were two of my favourite characters and they don’t disappoint. Kyle, the newest entrant to the series has a promising story-arc. There are a host of other characters that lay the groundwork for future chaos and annihilation

d) The plot was well-paced. The tale jumped between the characters without jarring my understanding and was pretty engrossing. The action sequences crackled and the villains were sufficiently vile to send a shiver down my spine.
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In all, I didn’t hate the book. I was hooked from start to finish. I never felt the need to make my unflappable butler (if I had a butler) jump out of his skin as I yelled “WHY GOD, WHY??? Why subject me to this awful abomination, this piteous attempt at milking a reluctant cash-cow, this travesty of a supposed love-story??? WHY?!?”.

No. I liked the book.

The Ogre of Oglefort

What do you do when you have:
a) A fine and upstanding troll with a good heart.
b) A hag is who is kind and cheery in the tradition of the best old-fashioned grandmothers.
c) A mother-pecked wizard who brews nothing more that odious smells with dastardly results.
d) An orphan who prefers a madcap adventure with the aforementioned trio rather than facing one more monotonous day at the dreary orphanage.

You sit tight as they get sent on the much loved and severely clichéd quest of them all: *RESCUE A PRINCESS* ---- *FROM AN EVIL OGRE*

But.....

Continuing in the above rhetorical vein;
What DO you do when:
a) Said princess yells at her startled rescuers as she doesn’t want to be rescued.
b) Said Ogre just wants to die peacefully in his satin pyjamas and lie down beside his beloved late wife, the Ogress.

In true and tried Eva Ibbotson fashion, The Ogre of Oglefort humanizes the vilest of the after-life. The author has the endearing ability of banishing misgivings of *things-that-go-thump-in-the-dark*. In fact more often than not, her books are likely to make little sleepyheads peek under their beds, hoping that a kind-hearted (albeit severely misunderstood) ‘creature of the dark’ is hanging around, just waiting to banish their more prosaic troubles.

I have the greatest respect for the late Ibbotson. Her books for young readers are funny, quirky, unpredictable and choc-a-bloc with odd twists and turns. This book is no different. Steeped in fantasy, it has an odd anchor in reality. Yet again, the author displays how the biggest monsters we face are basic everyday issues.

Loved the quirky characters. Loved the bizarre plotline. Loved it.

The Carrie Diaries (The Carrie Diaries, Book #1)

‘Who am I supposed to be again?
Just be yourself.
But who am I?’

Much before Carrie Bradshaw was blazing a fashionable trail through Manhattan, she was just an ordinary, small-town, high-school teenager in Connecticut.

She has her own “unclique” consisting of the prone-to-dramatics Maggie, the sarcastic guy-with-a-secret Walt, the super-smart Roberta better known as The Mouse and the frenemy - Lali. Soon, Carrie finds herself drawn into a tumultuous relationship with the most-sought after bad-boy in school - Sebastian Kydd. She also has to deal with the family dynamics of a widowed father bringing up three fairly-troubled teenage daughters.

But Carrie has another all-encompassing dream…a dream to become a *Writer*. After receiving a rejection letter from an NY writing seminar, her confidence is shaken and she begins contemplating the uncertainties of the future. Does she have the potential to make it as writer? Or is she destined to end up at a nearby university, resigned to becoming a scientist like her dad?

And then the betrayal of a friend speeds things up drastically. Decisions have to be made…relationships are to be mended/ severed…and the future puts it’s insistent foot in the door.

On the face of it, The Carrie Diaries can be just another coming-of-age story fraught with the usual issues of growing up. But what makes it an interesting read is that IT IS the coming-of-age story of the iconic *Carrie Bradshaw*, immortalized in the critically acclaimed ‘Sex and the City’. A younger Carrie has been portrayed as a fun, intelligent and whacky teenager. She has the smarts to stand up for herself but is enough of a teen to be pummelled by doubts and insecurities. She has all the makings of a make-you-proud feminist and then again, shows an equally humbling tendency to succumb to peer-pressures.

We get glimpses into the fashionista-in-the-making. From the first day of the new school year when she arrives in white patent leather Go-Go boots to the time when she goes nuts with a bottle of bright pink nail-polish and emblazons her name on a classic bag handed down by her mum, Carrie is quite the style-guru. This is the fledgling stage of her love-affair with vintage clothes and it’s a treat for all Carrie and SATC fans to see their favourite character’s formative years.

The cast of supporting characters is pretty clichéd, complete with the nasty queen-bee cheerleader, the entourage of empty headed Jocks and Jens and a love interest that leaves much to be desired. But the sole shining beacon of this book is Carrie Bradshaw. Her tale is that of every small-town girl trying to break the shackles of a go-nowhere suburban existence. What makes this story special is that at the end of the day, we know Carrie succeeded and got a well-shod Jimmy Choo foothold into her bright and exciting dream of making it in New York city.

Summer And The City (The Carrie Diaries, Book #2)

I sincerely, truly adored the first book in this series : The Carrie Diaries

And so, I was compelled to grab the second book. It helped that it had three of my favourite ingredients:
a) New York City
b) The tale of a fledgling writer
c) The coming-of-age journey of the delightfully quirky and iconic Carrie Bradshaw

Sadly, at the end of this fairly chunky read….I had to go…‘eh’.

The plot and characters are predictable. You can immediately tell who is the last-page love-interest, who is going through the throes of a just-divorced rebound, who is the sex-fiend (NOT Samantha!), who is the egomaniac and who is the confused feminist.

Obligatory references to Carrie’s love for vintage and bizarre fashion (that works!) are thrown in as an afterthought. The author oscillates between her love for The Big Apple and the need to keep things starkly real.

I really wanted to love this book. But…

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 2

At two hours and ten minutes, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2 is the shortest film in the franchise. And within these two hours and ten minutes, Potter fans are treated to a masterpiece of epic proportions.

Harry Potter is now closer to discovering and destroying Voldemort’s remaining horcruxes. Along this journey, he has to deal with devious goblins, fire-breathing dragons, new and untried hexes, guilty ghosts, cursed fiendfyre, old enemies and the promise of a new, hitherto undiscovered, truly terrifying Horcrux. And the poor lad’s work is never done. At the end of these gruesome tasks, he must face his nemesis : The Dark Lord...The most powerful evil magician of all times...the monster who has killed Harry’s parents, his godfather, his mentor and many more who have played a poignant role in Harry’s life. Fighting and vanquishing Voldemort means accepting death gladly. It means stepping into unchartered territory with sheer guts bolstered by hope and a prayer.

Part 2 is the tale of the ultimate battle...the battle between Good and Evil...the battle between ‘The Boy-Who-Lived’ and ‘The Vile-Noseless-Villain-Who-Refused-To-Die’. It is a setting that gathers up the slow threads of Part 1 and flings it headlong into a chaotic battlescene that is awe-inspiring and heart-wrenching in equal measures.

The movie, to put it mildly is *BRILLIANT*

The movie, to put it in the words of a true-blue Potter fan is *MIND-BOGGLINGLY-FANTASTIC*

Concentrating on the ‘Battle of Hogwarts’ meant that the entire movie could have disintegrated into a never-ending round of wand-duelling, muggle-worthy punching and the dire destruction of a set that holds a special place in our hearts. Thankfully, the director (David Yates) has played a beautiful game of explosive action combined with deliciously slow and intense moments.

SPECIAL CHARACTER MENTION:

~ ‘Snape’s Memory’; one of the best chapters in the book was converted into a perfect ten-minute montage that made my vision blurry with unshed tears. Alan Rickman is always a joy to behold and his rendition of the magnificent Snape leaves you satisfied that the movie did credit to the written word.

~ Prof. McGonagall has always been one of my favourite characters. Maggie Smith as the unbending teacher with a heart of molten gold has a few (but just enough) moments that make you whoop with glee (yes, I did indeed whoop with glee)

~ Neville Longbottom (Matthew Lewis) has come such a long way from being a scared student who quivered under the scathing disapproval of a long-suffering teacher. Tall, weary and covered with battle-scars....Neville is an unlikely hero who plays a crucial role. It helps that he has some wicked-cool lines to boot.

~ Oddly enough, I don’t have much to say on Harry, Hermione and Ron. Harry (Daniel Radcliffe) plunges forth with a quiet intensity. Hermione (Emma Watson) is a tad muted but her usual spunky self. Ron (Rupert Grint) has his endearing gormless act in place. Their combination works like a well-oiled spring; courtesy the long-standing familiarity and suffice to say, the trio keep you hooked.

At the end of it all, it was so much more than just that. It was a magical battle to end all the mini-squabbles. It was a shining symbol of the power of friendship, love and loyalty. It was the befitting end of a glorious era.The director, cast and crew tied up one of the greatest and most successful stories of our time into a fitting conclusion.

Glaring dissimilarities aside, fans will be hard-pressed to nitpick.

I want to write so much more. I want to write eloquent prose that conveys my affection for these fictional characters. I want to write a glowing statement of adulation for the author who can tell a tale like no one else.

Thank you, J.K.Rowling.

Thank you for your imagination that is so rooted in reality.

Thank you for reaffirming my belief that love, friendship and faith can brighten up the darkest corners of our minds.

Thank you for the magic...

The Sea of Monsters (Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Book #2)

The defenses of Camp Half-Blood have been breached, Thalia’s tree has been poisoned and ‘goat-boy’ Grover is in danger of becoming a reluctant bride to the Cyclops Polyphemus!!!

All in a day’s work for demi-god, Percy Jackson as he sets off on an unofficial quest to recover the magical and healing “Golden Fleece”. Accompanied by Annabeth and a new friend cum half-brother, Tyson the Cyclops…….Percy ventures into the treacherous Sea of Monsters.

Old enemies, new monsters and untold prophecies come to the forefront. Once more, we get a delightful insight into the world of Greek Mythology. Glimpses of Homer’s Odyssey are dropped in at regular intervals and there is a whole new jamboree of fantastic creatures and menacing villains!

Percy once again proves to be an endearing hero. With so many odds stacked against him, he rarely whines or cribs. More often than not, he resorts to a droll sense of humour and foolhardy courage to rescue himself and his friends in this magnificent tale. Definitely worth a read!

Harry Potter and the Order of The Phoenix (Harry Potter, #5)

I am not exactly an unbiased soul when it comes to reviewing a Harry Potter book. My Potter reviews wax lyrical, are full of praise and admiration and rarely do negative words get typed in.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix however was a little roadbock to my motherhen express. Too many pages, too much information and too, too rambling in it’s narrative. Do a vanishing hex on a handful of chapters and it would have been another perfect gem from Rowling’s desk.

The basic premise of the fifth book was that the magical world is now divided into two warring factions :

a) Those who believe that Voldemort is back and are taking the necessary steps to face the possibility of a second war and

b) Those who don’t believe that Voldemort is back and are taking every unnecessary and abysmally foolish step to thwart Team a)

Harry Potter has returned to his fifth year in a troubled state. The wizarding world at large (except for his loyal friends) believe that Dumbledore has gone senile and Harry is nothing more than an attention seeking git. Harry has to deal with people thinking and voicing out loud that the Potter lad has finally gone...to put it a tad inelegantly...potty. He has to face the simpering wrath of Prof.Umbridge, the newest Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher who has been planted by the Ministry to keep her noxious nose in the affairs of Hogwarts. He has to bear the mixed romantic blessing of an interested Cho Chang; who snogs him and weeps all over his cloak at regular intervals.

But all this pales in comparison to Harry’s newest problem. In his dreams, Harry appears to be travelling into the mind of Voldemort. He seems to share an undesired mental link with The Dark Lord. Whether Voldy is ecstatic with joy or bloodthirsty with rage, Harry senses it. While this situation might prove to be useful to Dumbledore and other members of ‘The Order of The Phoenix’, it has a nasty sting at it’s tail. The mental link is reciprocal, which means that Voldemort can also make roadways into Harry’s mind....delve into his darkest secrets and worst of all....actually possess him.

If Rowling would have stuck to this basic plotline, it would have been an engaging read. No meandering, just straightforward story-telling. Sadly, it unravelled into a heavy lo-oong winded read.

On the plus side, new characters like Tonks and Luna Lovegood make an interesting addition. Bellatrix Lestrange is deliciously deranged. Sirius Black, my favourite bad boy, got enough pages devoted to him to exhibit varied nuances of his character. The roles of Ginny and Neville Longbottom are smartly fleshed out, laying the groundwork for future full-fledged appearances.

Harry makes a departure from his perfect-hero portrayal. Gone is the unsure, slightly shy, self-deprecating, wee Potter lad. What we now have is an impatient teenager who exhibits bouts of rage tempered with confused silences. Hermione and Ron provide able support to their grumpy best friend. Sadly, their fledgling romance has been put on the back-burner. Dumbledore is magnificent in his stellar role as “The Only One He Ever Feared”.

The one good thing about this book is that Harry may finally learn why the darkest, wizard ‘moste-eville’ has been hounding him since his childhood.

In all, Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix could have been shorter and less of a stomach-crusher. It’s a long tale with flashes of brilliance and one distinctly heart-wrenching moment.