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The Thanksgiving Parade.....

Run, run as fast as you Can

Move over Voldemort, there’s a new villain in town. Unseen but omnipresent, more real and a million times more terrifying. I am talking about Fate...Kismet...Providence. Call it what you may, but that’s what the young protagonist of “Just in Case” by Meg Rosoff is running from.

Saving his baby brother from almost-certain death should have made 15-year old David Case feel like a hero…but it unleashes a new kind of terror in the teen’s over-active imagination. Two seconds…two seconds is all it would take to turn every-day humdrum life into a virtual minefield of catastrophes.

His mind’s eye is fogged up with mental images of death (including his own) and disaster. Falling down a manhole, a car crash, killer bees, floods, alien invasion……everything from the ordinary to the bizarre whirl through his head in horrifying succession. A doomed youth, poised on the brink of disaster. That’s what he has become.

And then he comes up with an idea. An idea to trick fate which is pursuing average, ordinary, suburban David Case. He decides to change his identity.

Enter Justin Case. The new, improved Justin seems to be a worthy contender.....able to meet fate headlong with a dash of more courage than his predecessor. Along the way he acquires a new dress sense, an imaginary greyhound and seemingly eccentric but loyal friends.

But the feeling of impending doom never loosens it’s hold. It colours his very existence, his thought-processes, his emotions and his turbulent hormones. It plunges him into (mis)adventures and even makes him go through the agonies of unrequited love.

Adolescent angst is hard enough to deal with but when accompanied by a sense of imminent misfortune……it is a painful package. You want to avert your eyes, and yet you can’t. Very rightly put by Justin’s friend Peter Prince...it is like watching a train crash waiting to happen.

The beauty of this book lies in the clarity and precision with which every thought racing through Justin’s mind is dissected. His pain is a live, breathing thing and you want to either give him a warm comforting hug or slap him out of his melancholy!

If you are looking for a light-hearted read, this isn’t what the doctor prescribed. It is bleak and painful, laced with dark humour.....but it has to be read for it’s flawlessness and sheer rawness of emotion. And before you write it off as a morbid drama.....I would like to add that it has a very satisfying ending.

There is an important lesson amidst all the chaos. We can’t change fate, but along the journey we can enjoy the gifts that kismet has to offer.....namely undiscovered talents, the love of family, the comfort of friendship and the strength and courage to stand up and fight, whatever the odds.

"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted."

Think cutting wit....think Groucho Marx!! The man with the greasepaint moustache and fake eyebrows has left behind an entertaining legacy, which almost always manages to tickle your funny-bone!!

Here are a few of his choice gems:

1. From the
moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with
laughter. Someday I intend on reading it.

2. I don't care to belong to a
club that accepts people like me as members.

3. I find television very
educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a
good book.

4. I thought my razor was dull,
then I heard his speech.

5. In Hollywood, brides keep the
bouquets and throw away the groom.

6. A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

7. A hospital bed is a parked taxi
with the meter running.

8. Alimony is like buying hay for
a dead horse.

9. I read in the newspapers they
are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday
from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they
started at 6:30.

10. I was
married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

11. If you write about yourself, the slightest deviation
makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.

12. Outside of a dog, a book is
man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to
read.

13. I wish to be cremated. One
tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our
contract.

O-BENTO!

Totally unrelated to the context of my blog, but couldn't resist posting it. This picture of a Bento-Box, with it's aesthetically arranged ingrediants was a visual treat! To know more about the bento-culture, visit : Cooking Cute.

Why do Great Gals Say Goodbye?!?

I was reading an interesting column as to why ladies get a wee-bit turned off after the first date.

Here's the guy…congratulating himself on his (debatable) charm and thinking......CHA-CHING!! Ok, I have hit paydirt and she is the one!

But the moment he calls up (after doing the customary two-day wait), all geared up for a second date.......all he gets is Voicemail!...and soon it's pretty clear that the Great Gal ISN'T GOING TO CALL BACK!

What went wrong?

Well, according to the scribe, there could be 10 main turnoffs. What tickled my funny bone were the cheeky terms assigned to the poor guys!! I tweaked the article a fair bit and added my two-bit opinion. Here goes:

Great Gal Turnoff # 1: Showboat Sammy
You’ve got a fantastic bank-balance, the spiffiest car in town and if the Good Lord is feeling really generous…a sprawling white villa on the French Riviera!! But droning on and on and ON about it on your first-date.....not exactly a crowd-pleaser!

Great Gal Turnoff # 2: Messy Mohinder
Your money may talk….but the “just-out-of-bed” persona? Does it really work for you? Unless you double up for an A-List celebrity, no gal is going to lose sleep over the unkempt, bushman-on-holiday look.

Great Gal Turnoff # 3: Rude Rajiv
Treating the service staff like dirt and expecting them to perform like trained seals…not nice…not nice AT ALL!!

Great Gal Turnoff # 4: Cheapie Charlie
Foot the bill or Go Dutch….but don’t expect the gal to pick up the entire tab on the first date. (Why do I sense the feminists flinging their burning bras at my window???)

Great Gal Turnoff # 5: Still-Married Manav
Marriage.....separation.....divorce.....definite terms, no room for ambiguity. Dating does not equal cheating on your unsuspecting wife. Be honest and upfront from the start.

Great Gal Turnoff # 6: Hands-on Harry
Don’t give an Octopus a bad name!! Read the signals well and clear before treading into your date’s personal space!

Great Gal Turnoff # 7: Stereotyping Sahil
Ask a gal a question, she answers .....and you nod knowingly. Then you make the all-mighty blunder of imagining that.....Ok, she is THAT kind of a girl.
You aren’t a seer, atleast not yet!!

Great Gal Turnoff # 8: Distracted Dave
She’s spilling out her life-story, and there you go hopping behind the nearest potted palm, answering your cell-phone.....which by the way, rings…EVERY FIVE MINUTES. Phone etiquette aside....not a good move, pardner!!

Great Gal Turnoff # 9: All-Business Barry
It’s a date, not a million-dollar deal to be cracked! Business and Leisure.....two different departments, keep them separate.

Great Gal Turnoff # 10: Nervous Nikhil
Put that fork down ALREADY!! Stop twitching and shooting shifty glances at your date. Truth be told, she must be as nervous as you are. Acting like the chemist stopped peddling your Calmpose, is not going to work in your favour.

So that’s it……the prototypes which turn a seemingly successful first-date into a disaster area. How far they apply, is beyond my limited understanding.

To each his own I say……what drives one woman running for the hills, would probably have another hearing wedding bells!!

Trick Or Treat!

Happy Haunting!!

In honour of Halloween and all things hair-raising and spine-tingling....I am unearthing my old review of "Undead and Unpopular" by Mary Janice Davidson. This is the fifth installment in the “Undead Series” and it continues in the fun vein of "paranormal drama meets chick-lit humor".

Vampire Queen Betsy Taylor is back with a bang and on the verge of an enormous breakdown. Her fast-approaching thirty-first birthday and her impending nuptials have got her knickers in a twist!

Add to that a few other pesky details: best friend Jessica seems more cranky than usual, one of her loyal subjects seeks permission to “turn” her mortal lover over to the dark side, a delegation of smarmy European vampires have finally come to pay their respects to the new monarchs AND there’s a rotting zombie in her attic!!!!

As if life wasn’t stressful enough, Betsy has decided to go cold-turkey on the whole “blood-sucking” scene which only succeeds in leaving her in a state of permanent annoyance. And that’s not even counting the unexpected “fang-unleashing” situations she encounters whenever her stress-levels hit an all-new high!

Shoe-crazy Betsy continues her reign as the sassy, bad-mouthing, self-absorbed and lovable queen that she was in the past. The book is a perfect example of wicked-bad fun with a great sense of comic-timing and enough raunchy scenes to make it light candy-floss reading!

Before it is in fashion....it's in VOGUE!!

As taglines go...it is pretty compelling! I have been wading through the first Indian edition of VOGUE. At 400-odd pages, it’s a chest crusher of a book.....but every fashionista worth her spine-deforming corset can be found with her nose buried between the strikingly colorful pages.

Despite my healthy interest in all things fashionable, I am not a fanatic follower of the trends. My interest is purely aesthetic……I love the splash of colour…the coming together of seemingly impossible combinations, the vibrant collages and the lovely larger-than life perfection of each and every creamy page!

And who can miss the fashionisms……words like understated chic, stunning silhouettes, minimalism, contemporary hues, LBD (little black dress for heathens like me!!) leap up with alarming regularity and prove to be new additions to my miniscule word-bank!!

However, all those decadent scenarios we have been fed over the ages.....where the heroine of a book/movie would curl up with VOGUE and lazily pop chocolate truffles into her mouth from the large candy-box next to her lounger..............Yeah......that’s akin to Harakiri!!

With size zero, flawlessly-complexioned, glowing models pouting at you from every advert.....you pretty much would want to throw the candy-box and yourself in front of the nearest speeding truck!!!

On the upside......I discovered that I was in vogue (pun intended) and wasn’t even aware of the fact!!! My daily battles with my ratty nest of hair can finally cease. Because according to the "fashion bible"... straight, rebonded or relaxed hair is finding it's way out of the salon door!!

Say hello to the Wild and unstructured look.

The “look” of the season is not merely “bed-head” but hair that looks like you were flung out of your bed and passed through a freak-tornado. In short……my hair on any given day!?! But before the rest of my frizzy friends heave a sigh of relief.....let me just say that the “natural” unkempt look is the product and result of a lot of volumising shampoos, thickening sprays, styling wax and a lotta of other icky-gooey stuff.

Ah...the vagaries of fashion...mindless and oddly compelling. Think I’ll grab a few ZZZZZs and wake up with the urban-boho look which is currently setting the ramps on FIRE!!!

All Hail the mighty Everett!!!

So once more, I sat through “My Best Friend’s Wedding”, and once again I hastily channel surfed during the uncomfortable bits (a.k.a Julia Roberts doing her vilest best to break up an established romance AND ending up with egg on her face for all her troubles!!!).

I must have seen this movie a gazillion times and yet...to date I haven’t seen it in its entirety. I am content with watching the gorgeous Julia Roberts glowing like a beacon with her flaming hair surrounding her sparky face…..the utterly scrumptious Dermott Mulroney looking like a million bucks and ofcourse, the absolutely brilliant Rupert Everett!!!

All Hail the Cheeky Gay Man!!! With the right combination of puckish charm and devlish humour he plays the supportive friend and irrepressible voice of reason with élan.

The ending left me with a sour taste in my mouth. But it was expected….count on Hollywood to give u kick in the nether regions, just when you start smelling the orange blossoms!!

Now if it were upto the ever reliable Bollywood, the ending would have been so much more gratifying.

Cameron Diaz would have had a dark and devious secret (usually involving an estranged husband and a divorce that never happened)……Dermott Mulroney would discover this shocking secret just…JUST…. before exchanging vows and would finally realize the grave mistake he was to embark upon. He would rush out of the church to a “bawling-her-eyes-out” Julia Roberts (conveniently standing in the church-yard, checking out the horticulture) and profess his undying love to her, amidst a stream of applause from the church-entourage.

Not content at that, the director would probably hitch Rupert up with Cameron’s very-sexy, very-gay male cousin (celebrity in his umpteenth guest appearance) and have them making doe-eyes at each other …….****cue for second round of applause!!!***

Everyone’s happy and teary-eyed...we have had our dose of escapism and would come out of the theater with a feeling of total “paisa-vasool”. But then if wishes were horses then beggars would ride and Julia Roberts would have ended up with the straight guy!!!

On the whole, great chick-flick....the next time it comes on the tube, I will be watching it again and rooting for Ms.Roberts all over again (scruples be damned!!!).

p.s. My favourite scene is the wedding party at the seafood restaurant….where Rupert Everett - Julia’s pretend fiancé dramatically describes the first time he ever saw Julia and was slain by her stunning beauty. He then prompltly breaks into a love-struck rendition of Aretha Franklin’s “ Say A Little Prayer”…amply supported by the rest of the dinner brigade. Cheesy but so damn funny!!!