"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted."

Think cutting wit....think Groucho Marx!! The man with the greasepaint moustache and fake eyebrows has left behind an entertaining legacy, which almost always manages to tickle your funny-bone!!

Here are a few of his choice gems:

1. From the
moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with
laughter. Someday I intend on reading it.

2. I don't care to belong to a
club that accepts people like me as members.

3. I find television very
educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a
good book.

4. I thought my razor was dull,
then I heard his speech.

5. In Hollywood, brides keep the
bouquets and throw away the groom.

6. A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

7. A hospital bed is a parked taxi
with the meter running.

8. Alimony is like buying hay for
a dead horse.

9. I read in the newspapers they
are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday
from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they
started at 6:30.

10. I was
married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

11. If you write about yourself, the slightest deviation
makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.

12. Outside of a dog, a book is
man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to
read.

13. I wish to be cremated. One
tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our
contract.