Trick Or Treat!

Happy Haunting!!

In honour of Halloween and all things hair-raising and spine-tingling....I am unearthing my old review of "Undead and Unpopular" by Mary Janice Davidson. This is the fifth installment in the “Undead Series” and it continues in the fun vein of "paranormal drama meets chick-lit humor".

Vampire Queen Betsy Taylor is back with a bang and on the verge of an enormous breakdown. Her fast-approaching thirty-first birthday and her impending nuptials have got her knickers in a twist!

Add to that a few other pesky details: best friend Jessica seems more cranky than usual, one of her loyal subjects seeks permission to “turn” her mortal lover over to the dark side, a delegation of smarmy European vampires have finally come to pay their respects to the new monarchs AND there’s a rotting zombie in her attic!!!!

As if life wasn’t stressful enough, Betsy has decided to go cold-turkey on the whole “blood-sucking” scene which only succeeds in leaving her in a state of permanent annoyance. And that’s not even counting the unexpected “fang-unleashing” situations she encounters whenever her stress-levels hit an all-new high!

Shoe-crazy Betsy continues her reign as the sassy, bad-mouthing, self-absorbed and lovable queen that she was in the past. The book is a perfect example of wicked-bad fun with a great sense of comic-timing and enough raunchy scenes to make it light candy-floss reading!

Before it is in fashion....it's in VOGUE!!

As taglines go...it is pretty compelling! I have been wading through the first Indian edition of VOGUE. At 400-odd pages, it’s a chest crusher of a book.....but every fashionista worth her spine-deforming corset can be found with her nose buried between the strikingly colorful pages.

Despite my healthy interest in all things fashionable, I am not a fanatic follower of the trends. My interest is purely aesthetic……I love the splash of colour…the coming together of seemingly impossible combinations, the vibrant collages and the lovely larger-than life perfection of each and every creamy page!

And who can miss the fashionisms……words like understated chic, stunning silhouettes, minimalism, contemporary hues, LBD (little black dress for heathens like me!!) leap up with alarming regularity and prove to be new additions to my miniscule word-bank!!

However, all those decadent scenarios we have been fed over the ages.....where the heroine of a book/movie would curl up with VOGUE and lazily pop chocolate truffles into her mouth from the large candy-box next to her lounger..............Yeah......that’s akin to Harakiri!!

With size zero, flawlessly-complexioned, glowing models pouting at you from every advert.....you pretty much would want to throw the candy-box and yourself in front of the nearest speeding truck!!!

On the upside......I discovered that I was in vogue (pun intended) and wasn’t even aware of the fact!!! My daily battles with my ratty nest of hair can finally cease. Because according to the "fashion bible"... straight, rebonded or relaxed hair is finding it's way out of the salon door!!

Say hello to the Wild and unstructured look.

The “look” of the season is not merely “bed-head” but hair that looks like you were flung out of your bed and passed through a freak-tornado. In short……my hair on any given day!?! But before the rest of my frizzy friends heave a sigh of relief.....let me just say that the “natural” unkempt look is the product and result of a lot of volumising shampoos, thickening sprays, styling wax and a lotta of other icky-gooey stuff.

Ah...the vagaries of fashion...mindless and oddly compelling. Think I’ll grab a few ZZZZZs and wake up with the urban-boho look which is currently setting the ramps on FIRE!!!

All Hail the mighty Everett!!!

So once more, I sat through “My Best Friend’s Wedding”, and once again I hastily channel surfed during the uncomfortable bits (a.k.a Julia Roberts doing her vilest best to break up an established romance AND ending up with egg on her face for all her troubles!!!).

I must have seen this movie a gazillion times and yet...to date I haven’t seen it in its entirety. I am content with watching the gorgeous Julia Roberts glowing like a beacon with her flaming hair surrounding her sparky face…..the utterly scrumptious Dermott Mulroney looking like a million bucks and ofcourse, the absolutely brilliant Rupert Everett!!!

All Hail the Cheeky Gay Man!!! With the right combination of puckish charm and devlish humour he plays the supportive friend and irrepressible voice of reason with élan.

The ending left me with a sour taste in my mouth. But it was expected….count on Hollywood to give u kick in the nether regions, just when you start smelling the orange blossoms!!

Now if it were upto the ever reliable Bollywood, the ending would have been so much more gratifying.

Cameron Diaz would have had a dark and devious secret (usually involving an estranged husband and a divorce that never happened)……Dermott Mulroney would discover this shocking secret just…JUST…. before exchanging vows and would finally realize the grave mistake he was to embark upon. He would rush out of the church to a “bawling-her-eyes-out” Julia Roberts (conveniently standing in the church-yard, checking out the horticulture) and profess his undying love to her, amidst a stream of applause from the church-entourage.

Not content at that, the director would probably hitch Rupert up with Cameron’s very-sexy, very-gay male cousin (celebrity in his umpteenth guest appearance) and have them making doe-eyes at each other …….****cue for second round of applause!!!***

Everyone’s happy and teary-eyed...we have had our dose of escapism and would come out of the theater with a feeling of total “paisa-vasool”. But then if wishes were horses then beggars would ride and Julia Roberts would have ended up with the straight guy!!!

On the whole, great chick-flick....the next time it comes on the tube, I will be watching it again and rooting for Ms.Roberts all over again (scruples be damned!!!).

p.s. My favourite scene is the wedding party at the seafood restaurant….where Rupert Everett - Julia’s pretend fiancé dramatically describes the first time he ever saw Julia and was slain by her stunning beauty. He then prompltly breaks into a love-struck rendition of Aretha Franklin’s “ Say A Little Prayer”…amply supported by the rest of the dinner brigade. Cheesy but so damn funny!!!

Louis Vuitton's 2007 Print Ad

I quite liked Louis Vuitton’s new Print Ad.....featuring lazily reclined Steffi Graf & Andre Agassi. After being bombarded by an avalanche of hoardings featuring air-brushed models who haven’t had a decent conversation with calories in a long time…….this particular advert came as a welcome change.

The tagline ("Is there any greater journey than love?") is a bit trite. But the picture itself is simple and subtle. No dramatic statement. Jus' a travel-weary, much-married couple relaxing in the comfort and warmth of an anonymous hotel room.......

Heart-Whole And Stomach-Overload!!

So finally, after another colorful session of festivities and food Unltd.; I have stumbled back to my desk. I can barely move (mental note to self: invest in jeans with elasticated waist-band ---fashion police be damned!!), much less string together witty or snarky statements. So for a change, I am going to post a politically correct and religiously infused post.

The highlight of this Dassera for me was the Sarbojanin (literally meaning - "involving all") Durga Puja, held in true blue Bong-Style!!

It has all the elements of a mini-fair....an explosion of colours, complete with kitschy stalls selling everything from gorgeous Bengali Sarees to equally scrumptious Fish-fry!!! The main pandal is a pain-staking work of art. The lovely statuesque Devis with their sparkling almond-eyes, long black spiral curls and multiple hands wielding an array of weapons emanate an atmosphere of awe and splendour.

And paying respectful homage to the same is the surprisingly devout pundit.

Unlike the usual world-weary bunch of holy men (atleast the ones I have witnessed!!) who go through the proceedings with a dead-pan expression, dribbling out incoherent mantras with total detachment ……this particular pundit was a refreshing change. He performed the entire puja with single-minded veneration...eyes closed, smiling gently at the devis……and moving in perfect rhythm to the thunderous drums.

You can't help but be moved by the spectacle. Pulsating with sound, light and smoke....the effect is stupendous. Standing stock-still for over an hour, being jostled by sweaty aunties and having a toddler dribbling on my shoulder all somehow seemed worthwhile. I came away, feeling inspired and sporting a more friendlier disposition!!

And today.......the last day of Navratri, was a replay of Ganesh Chaturthi. Loads of cooking and hardwork followed by a loo-ong lunch with generous second and third helpings!! I am feeling full and content…all thoughts of calories and kilos once again relegated to the back-burner.

I don’t know how long this state of karmic bliss is going to last but till the euphoria dissipates (and I stop resembling a comatose walrus!!)…am gonna languish in it and crunch happily on another of Mukhi Taru’s sinfully rich "maa-ke-ladoos"!!!!

This strip deserves pride of place for it's sheer brilliance!! :)

One Issue. One Day. Thousands of Voices.

I am all for preserving what’s left of our environment. My latest “contribution”……signing up for innumerable causes on Facebook. Be it GreenPeace International, Stop Global Warming, World Wildlife Fund or any of the other myriad and noteworthy causes up for grabs.

Bursting with righteous pride, I felt I had done my bit for our shaky ecology. But before I began polishing my halo, I paused and wondered. If I actually had to take a stand and make a strong, constructive gesture or speak out against some wrong-doing, would I do so with firmness or smile sheepishly and retreat with my tail quivering between my legs. Morover, did I know enough about the causes I was backing with such ardour???

Observation has often shown that people who voice their beliefs and point out environmental no-nos, often get dumped with unflattering titles. Unless you are a stellar celebrity, or a brunch-happy; page 3 socialite....you become an interfering "do-gooder".....a beatnik throwback to the flower-power 70s and an all-round "pain-in-the-YouKnowWhat"!!

Take for example, the promenade outside my house. A long, relatively clean stretch of walking space, it is shrouded by generous clumps of greenery on both sides. Nestled against the sea, it provides a welcome haven for joggers and visitors alike. There are a group of concerned citizens who have contributed to the upkeep and maintainence of this walk……keeping the plants well-spruced and adding to the foliage whenever possible.

.....but ever so often, there come along people who don’t think twice before trashing the walk, spitting left-right-and center and breaking the minimal rules without a second-thought

When a pro-active citizen points out the error, he often gets a dirty look for his efforts. The wrong-doer rolls his eyes, smirks at his buddies and reluctantly cleans up his act.

But it doesn’t stop the next spit-happy soul from adding his own personal mural to the sidewalk!!

More often than not, people keep shut……preferring to let bygones be bygones. No one like’s to be thought of as an interfering “paragon-of-virtue” with too-much free time on their hands. So things slowly but steadily unravel and all good intentions go flying out of the window.

All I can say is that...... if plunging head-long onto the environmental bandwagon seems like a scary step……do your bit by speaking up (atleast once!!!) and being more aware of the causes you support. Find out small but definitive steps to make atleast a miniscule contribution. Make this a cleaner and greener earth!! (couldn't resist adding a cliché in the end!!!)

Nigella Feasts!! (....or the other way 'round?!?)

Nigella Lawson, the domestic goddess ….who’s heating up the kitchen with more than just her hot stove and steaming oven!! Renowned for her smouldering sensuality and glorious curves, this smart chef manages to keep the audiences hooked (a sizeable portion of which comprises the slavering wolves who follow her every word and pout with ardent devotion!!!).

I had only heard about the lovely lady, catching her recipes occasionally on the net. But then I heard two of my cousins having a heated debate over the merits of hand-kneaded dough and mashed peas and other such epicurean fundas. To say that I was puzzled was an understatement. Two reasons…..

One, because they are predominantly “manly” men, who still believe that their mother was put on this earth for the sole purpose of feeding their bottomless pits and two, because they hadn’t yet advanced to the state of being termed as truly-uplifted metro- sexual males who knew their way around the kitchen effortlessly.

With clock-work regularity, popped up the statement…."but Nigella says". And whenever the name was mentioned they smiled dreamily and exchanged knowing looks.

To top it off, I read a normally acerbic scribe waxing lyrical about her show in his hard-hitting column. With almost loving detail, he had dedicated a sizeable portion of his space to the merits and wonders of luscious Lawson!.......and this was just the tip of the fast-melting iceberg!!

Who was this enchantress who had turned a majority of the male population into blithering babies?? I was intrigued and had to see the woman in action.

Luckily(?) for me, the show aired some days later. With almost indecent haste, my cousins had grabbed their seats in front of the tube. I managed to squeeze in between Twerp#1 and #2.

.......And there she was, in full “peaches and cream” grandeur…..all curves and no hollows! She smiled coyly, licked her lips suggestively and managed to convert the innocent art of rolling out cookie-dough into something definitely X-Rated!!

She sauntered around the kitchen, flirted with the camera and cast steamy looks at all her devoted viewers. I understood the appeal……a talented career woman-who can cook -and - who looks like all male-fantasies rolled into one delectable package!!!

I was with her through the entire chocolate fiesta; she made it sound quite sinfully tempting and mouth-watering. But then came the episode where she got to the part of the kidney beans (our humble l’il rajma) and rolled her RRRsss over how it was a lovely ric-hhhhh terracotta shade!! Chocolate, I get……but Rajma!! Even raw sensuality has it’s limits!! I’ll never be able to look at a kidney bean again without blushing furiously!!


I had had enough of cooking for the hormonally-supercharged.

Quietly (not that they would even notice an over-weight bull elephant rampaging through the room!!), I left my besotted cousins to their guilty pleasure and retired to my room.

Hell, one good thing out of the whole episode could be that the family could look forward to fledgling chefs who’ll whip up some tasty morsels, every now and then. I have no complaints, so long as they don’t start oozing a lot of unwanted sensuality all over the kitchen floor!!!!

2007 Nobel Prize in literature

The 2007 Nobel Prize in literature goes to Doris Lessing, 88.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071011/ap_on_en_ot/nobel_literature