The Hobbit

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“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him…”

…AND it does not do to leave The Hobbit out of your list of fantasy must-reads.

Bilbo Baggins is a typical comfort-loving hobbit. Happily settled in the pastoral land of The Shire, life is a relaxed cycle of smoking tobacco, guzzling ale, attending parties and having innumerable (and delicious) meals all day long. But Bilbo also has Took blood running through his veins. The Took family members were famous for disappearing on mysterious adventures. Bilbo however, is content to suppress the thrill-seeking side of his nature and curl up happily in his Hobbit-Hole.

But then the powerful wizard, Gandalf (making his first stalwart appearance) asks…infact…informs Bilbo that he needs the hobbit for an adventure. Bilbo promptly declines but soon finds a motley crew of dwarves descending upon his home. Gandalf and the dwarves are headed east, n a perilous mission to the Lonely Mountain. They intend to recover their ancestors’ treasure from the clutches of a fiendish dragon called Smaug. Initial reluctance gives way to the thirst for adventure and thus begins a quest that transforms a cushy, quivering jellyfish of a hobbit into a legendary hero.

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The Hobbit is a delightful prelude to the magnum opus - The Lord of The Rings. It introduces us to the house-proud Bilbo Baggins who gets dragged along on a magnificent adventure fraught with danger, deceit, wit, bravery, unlikely enemies, friendly foes and mythical creatures galore. J.R.R.Tolkien’s language is rich and deliciously ancient. He makes you feel like snuggling up for buttery scones and a pot of tea at Bilbo’s hobbit hole…and then…..just as easily makes a shiver go down your spine as you venture into the unknown and perilous dangers of Mirkwood.

All of us have the spirit of adventure lurking within us. While some leap in with both feet, others hem and haw and dawdle incessantly. Bilbo belongs to the latter group. But when good ol’Gandalf pushes the wary hobbit into action, he rises admirably to the task. The book is a winner all the way. From odd named creatures to near-fatal encounters to dastardly villains to enticing obstacles, The Hobbit keeps you hooked.

How To Be Popular - when you're a social reject like me, Steph L.

‘ Way to pull a Steph Landry’

…and that cruel taunt has been burning Steph Landry’s ears since the time that she was a clumsy twelve year old who accidentally upended a Red Super Big-Gulp on Lauren Moffat’s white denim D & G skirt. And although Steph bought Lauren a brand new skirt…prima-donna hag-extraordinaire Lauren has never let Steph or the rest of Bloomville High School ever let the unfortunate memory fade. Ergo, whenever anyone commits a faux-pas or does something remotely dorky, it’s ‘Don’t pull a Steph’ or ‘That’s so Steph’ or ‘Don’t be such a Steph’ or the ever popular ‘Way to pull a Steph Landry’.

But now, after five years of fading into the background and being content with mocking the in-crowd from afar with fellow rejects Jason and Becca…Steph is ready for a change. She has laid her hands on a book titled ‘How-To-Be-Popular’ and is ready to implement all the guidelines that the author has cheerfully spelt out. So, it’s a new hairstyle, a spanking new (yet, tastefully put together) wardrobe and a sociable personality. She’s ready to grab the eyeballs of the popular kids with her new assertiveness. No more wallflower-impersonation. Steph Landry is ready to shine and dazzle and poke-one-in-the-eye of uber-witch - Lauren Moffat and attract the attention of handsome quarterback - Mike Finley.

But in the quest for fitting-in, she’s in danger of alienating her best friends; Jason (who interestingly enough has gotten taller and noticeably hotter) and Becca (who has never really left behind her scared-witless, farmgirl-in-a-new-setting persona). Does getting a shoe-in into the elite pack mean compromising on things that Steph strongly believes in? Does it mean hurting the people who have always stood by her through the rough patches?

Meg Cabot is the literary equivalent of comfort-food. Her books are frothy, funny and wholly enjoyable. Her heroines are gutsy teenagers. While they are generally practical individuals, all of them have occasional spasms of self-doubt and flashes of insecurity to keep them real. Cabot also manages to handle teen-issues with her usual brand of sparky dialogue and a down-to-earth approach.

How To Be Popular is a fun read. It has a likeable, non-whiney heroine in Steph and a cast of oddball characters who while they might be a tad predictable are still engaging. Don’t let the title put you off. It’s not…I repeat…NOT….a self-help book. What it is, is another of Cabot’s sassy yet serious takes on the quintessential teen girl.

Shrek Forever After

Happily Ever After can get a tad tiresome. For Shrek(Mike Myers), atleast. Whatever happened to villagers running scared or alternatively chasing you with pitchforks and torches? Whatever happened to making mud angels in the squelchy swamp mud?? Whatever happened to just putting up your toes and enjoying an eyeball martini?!?

The now fully domesticated Shrek is missing his old lifestyle. The midlife crisis has hit early and the present seems to be nothing but an endless rote of changing diapers, burping three babies and playing much-loved ogre to his large group of adoring friends. When he finally snaps and storms off from his kiddies’ first birthday party, he unfortunately (and conveniently) runs into the magic deal-maker; Rumpelstiltskin(Walt Dohrn). The wily creature, having witnessed Shrek’s outburst offers him a deal. In exchange for one day as a real ogre, Rumpelstiltskin asks for one day from Shrek’s childhood.

But beware of midgets bearing curlicue-scripted deals.

Unbeknownst to Shrek, ol’Rumpy has been nurturing a long-festering grudge against him. When a harried Shrek signs on the dotted line, he soon finds himself in an alternative reality. What he doesn’t know is that Rumpelstiltskin took the day Shrek was born.

So sure, the villagers scream and run at the sight of him now. But it’s also a place where his home has never existed. Rumpelstiltskin is the king of Far Far Away and is a dictatorial ruler to boot. Fiona(Cameron Diaz) is not his wife. She’s a fearsome warrior heading an underground resistance against the monarchy. Donkey(Eddie Murphy) doesn’t recognize Shrek and the suave Puss in Boots(Antonio Banderas) has degenerated into an obese, pampered pet. And as a final twist, Rumpelstiltskin declares that within 24 hours, Shrek, having never been born, will cease to exist altogether.

I ♥ The Shrek Franchise…shamelessly and unapologetically. I don’t care how many sequels they churn out. I don’t care if they are not exactly cinematic masterpieces. I will always love Shrek, Fiona, Donkey, Puss in Boots, Dragon, Gingee, The Three Pigs, Pinocchio and the rest of the enchanting cast. I don’t care if people find the wordplay tedious…it’s funny and a delightful poke-in-the-ribs of all the fairy tales that I have grown up reading. So maybe the makers couldn’t recreate the magic of the original SHREK. But they did do their fair share and should be applauded for creating characters that remain fresh with every new inning.

The last (or so they claim) instalment in the series is quite entertaining and has a healthy dose of reality stitched in. Even the most content amongst us wish for something more. Never happy, are we? And Shrek is no different. A loving wife, three beautiful kids and a crowd that adores him are not enough. And so begins the misadventure. The characters are achingly funny….whether it’s a crooning Donkey playing pack-mule cum radio or a wheezing Puss sliding inelegantly down his cat-pole. Fiona is still the soft-voiced feminist that puts all prissy princesses to shame. And the wonderful Shrek still manages to make you smile with his portrayal of a frustrated main-lead.

In all, a great soundtrack, whip-smart dialogue and an ensemble cast that almost always makes you break into one of Donkey’s signature grins.

Wicked Lovely

Aislinn has always seen Faeries…always. Her mother could see them and so could her Grams. Aislinn has ‘The Sight’ but it is not a good thing for the Faeries to know this essential fact. For these seemingly mythical creatures are very unlike the Fairies we have grown up reading about. Not all are well-mannered and twee. Aislinn has been warned and coached by her Grams, never to give them an inkling that she can see the heinous deeds that they sometimes indulge in.

Don’t stare at them….Don’t speak to them…….Don’t attract their attention.

But this soon proves to be an exercise in futility when The Summer King of the Faeries, Keenan actively begins to seek her out. For nine centuries, Keenan has been searching for his Queen. A Summer Queen who will rule beside him, protect the Summer Fey and help him in overpowering his wicked mother, The Winter Queen Beira. At one time in the past, Keenan had thought that Donia, a mortal girl was THE ONE. But when Donia undertook the necessary test, she failed…relegating her to the endless and icily chilly life of a Winter Girl. Now it’s Aislinn’s turn to prove her mettle. But unlike the previous candidates, Aislinn is adamant in her decision not to join the Faerie world. She has seen the faeries at their damaging worst and prefers the charms of mortal life and it’s inhabitants like handsome friend (and potential lover); Seth. Wicked Lovely traverses the mental journey of Aislinn as she deals with two conflicting worlds and a decision that will change her life forever.

Wizards, witches, vampires and now……..faeries. Mythical creatures are ruling the best-selling roost. Enter a bookstore and everywhere I look, I am bombarded by broodlingly handsome wizards, sparkling vampires and now Summer-unleashing Faeries.

Wicked Lovely left me a tad disappointed. There wasn’t a trace of humour throughout the book. I like oodles of wit and verve in my main characters. From start to finish, all Aislinn seemed to do was walk around under a cloud of despair. Which was kind of ironic, considering the fact that she was supposed to be the Summer Queen-in-waiting. Everyone wants her…whether it’s her goth boyfriend, Seth or Summer King-with-the-copper-hair Keenan. You think the girl would be a little happier. But no, she goes to Seth’s house and moans and whines…..and Seth…..he had such potential, but all he wants to do is show his unflinching love for Aislinn. Infact he seems to be put on the earth for the express purpose of cushioning Aislinn through her many tirades. Now I’m all for a supportive partner…but Seth was ridiculous in his perfection. If you ask me, it’s not the faeries but Seth who was the mythical creature – a perfect boyfriend! It was a bit too pat…the way Seth accepted Aislinn’s fate as an immortal Queen who will rule alongside the devastatingly handsome Keenan. Where was the blind panic? The insecurities? The impotent anger on being confronted by a more-than-worthy competitor?

The only character I truly liked was Donia. The poor girl got a raw deal for her love and she showed the maximum character development. I would definitely like to read more about her in the coming books.

In all, Wicked Lovely was written beautifully. Melissa Marr’s imagination is a lovely splashy-painting unfolding in bits and pieces. The little touch of adding Faerie-Folklore snippets at the start of each chapter was a good indicator of what to expect in terms of plot development. What it lacked was the sheer brilliance and wit that peppered the Harry Potter series. I can only hope that the characters show more facets to their personalities and hopefully display some real fire and ire in the sequels.

The Princess And The Frog

Once upon a time (in the roaring twenties, to be precise), there was a little girl (no, she wasn’t a princess. Yes, I know the title mentions a Princess, but just bear with me, okay?!?).

When she wished upon The Evening-Star, she fervently hoped for a wonderful restaurant of her own: 'Tiana's Place'.... A glamourous eatery that would serve honest-to-goodness Louisiana cuisine. No Kiss-Happy Frog. No Prince. No Marriage to the CK Underwear-Model-Worthy Hero (yep, breaking the mould with a vengeance, wasn't she?)

She didn’t spend her days playing lead songstress to a bunch of cuddly woodland creatures. She didn’t perch herself at a castle window waiting for Prince Charming to whisk her away on his white steed. Nu-uh….she was too busy waiting tables at a grimy diner, saving up her earnings for her grand dream (ref. above to wonderful restaurant).

The girl is Tiana. She is also Disney’s first black heroine. AND she’s the shining star of The Princess and The Frog. Tiana is a hardworking blue-collar girl in New Orleans. She has no time for the frills and fancies that infect her ditzy southern belle of a friend; Charlotte LaBouff. Charlotte is the daughter of a very rich and doting sugar baron. Daddy dearest, unbeknownst to him is under the greedy radar of local voodoo witch doctor, Dr.Facilier (a.k.a. The Shadowman). Meanwhile, the handsome but broke Prince Naveen lands in New Orleans with the express purpose of bettering his financial prospects. He hopes to achieve this by marrying the empty-headed but seriously wealthy Charlotte. But Dr.Facilier, with a touch of shiver-me-timbers voodoo and underhanded schemes turns Naveen into a frog.

And no, Tiana will not…no way…kiss a blerggg…frog!!! However, playing on Tiana’s secret dream…kiss him she does….and LO!

And behold….

Tiana is now a pretty, emerald green frog………..

Yep, didn’t see that coming did you???

Taking the plot from there, the two bickering amphibians make their way through Louisiana’s dangerous bayou in search of the famous Mama Odie to reverse the spell. Accompanying them on this trip are a trumpet playing croc, Lou and a little worse for wear Cajun firefly, Ray. The couple discover love, loyalty and the surprising fact that dreams don't stay static. Hopes change, ideals change and plans most definitely undertake some drastic detours!

It’s comforting to see that Disney got it right after a very long time. The Princess and The Frog is a fabulous tale - engaging characters…..addictive music score and brilliant artwork. Ah, the artwork…..you could watch the movie for the artwork alone…..vintage and unadulterated Walt Disney. The charm of twenties New Orleans is captured in a burst of riotous colours. You can almost smell the gumbo that Tiana whips up. You supress a shiver as Dr.Facilier plays his fiendish games. You fall in love with the sidekicks for their bumbling charm and secret hopes. You feel like breaking into a fox-trot as Tiana’s dream comes alive in a song-and dance art deco number.

Original setting….quirky twist on a classic plot….and The Princess and The Frog makes you realize why Walt Disney was the Grand Poobah of 'em all! ....

(oh, and also.....why you're apparently never too old to enjoy a good ol' happily-ever-after!!!)

Millie's Fling

I love the Brits’ dry turn of phrase, tongue-in-cheek humour and ability to be self-deprecating. Jill Mansell has straddled all the above ingredients in her refreshing collection of chick-lit. Her books are fun reads; devoid of random smut and brimming with memorable characters, quick-silver dialogue and believable story-lines.

Millie’s Fling is one such fine example. The best way to review this l’il gem would be to give a little heads-up on some of the characters.
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Orla Hart : Best-Selling Author of grandiose, passionate fiction. She gets the story started on a promising note by planning to fling herself off a clifftop. Reason for foiled suicide attempt? –> Husband Giles is a philandering no-gooder who is having a flaming affair with some tart. Foiled, I say? –> Saved by main character, Millie (ref. Millie Brady). Orla, later fuelled by a truly scathing review, decides to write a realistic novel based on the daily life of aforementioned Millie.

Hester: Millie’s roommate and long-time friend. In possession of the best boyfriend a girl could ever dream of –> Nat (ref. Nat). Unfortunately, in the true tradition of scatty girls who don’t know when they have a good thing going, Hester is constantly tempted by the need to get-it-on with love ‘em and leave ‘em Lucas (ref. Lucas Kemp). With Nat toiling away in another town and Lucas very much working in this town, Hester cannot resist exploring the ‘what-ifs’ of a chance encounter with Lucas.

Nat: Hester’s chef-boyfriend. All around Good Guy and trusty mate. Separated by job pressures and distance, he is in danger of losing Hester.

Lucas Kemp: The Don Juan DeMarco…The Casanova…the what-have-you of all womanly dreams. Legendary Lover and Charmer- Extraordinaire. After a stint as a successful DJ in glitzy London, he is back in Cornwall to run a Kissogram Service. He also happens to be Millie’s (ref.Millie Brady) new boss. Despite the obviously black shades that Lucas is destined to be painted in, he proves to have scruples and tosses many a pleasant surprise throughout the book.

Llyod and Judy…oh, and also Adele: Llyod is Millie’s father. Adele is Millie’s estranged mother. They are divorced, primarily due to Adele’s need for a better, spicier and fraught-with-passion life. Adele is now prone to search around for Husband Number Two. Her improbable bait takes the form of an intellectual book tucked under her arm….Sylvia Plath’s poems being a perennial favourite. And Llyod? Llyod is not heart-broken. He has found the perfect mate in Judy…..down-to-earth Judy who cooks wholesome meals like Shepherd’s Pie and is known on occasion to have entertaining tricks up her sleeve like juggling a bunch of mandarins. Together, Llyod and Judy provide a loving escape for Millie, whenever she needs it. Adele being Adele does drop in to blot the copybook and aggravate Millie’s already frazzled nerves.

Hugh Emerson : The hero of the book.He is handsome,witty and ever-so-yum. Hugh is also a fairly recent widower. A fact that is unknown to Millie ( ref. Millie Brady), when she finds his missing wallet and decides to pull a phone-prank on him. A prank which goes excruciatingly wrong. There are plenty of opportunities for a relationsip to blossom between Millie and Hugh…but does Hugh want that? Still loyal to his wife’s memory, is he destined to remain Millie’s Fling?

And finally….

Millie Brady: A perfect chick-lit heroine…pretty…funny…in fact she’s pretty funny what with her ability to exchange entertaining banter with the rest of the cast. She deals with all the lemons that life flings at her with wit and the occasional introspective/ drunken conversation in her head. Saving Orla (ref. Orla Hart) from certain-death proves her innate niceness. It also proves that good deeds can come back to bite you in the backside. When she becomes the reluctant heroine of Orla’s next great blockbuster, she finds herself having to deal with prospective boyfriends who kiss like Aquavacs, boyfriends who would prefer to be kissing other boyfriends, bosses who like to play God (and the Devil, more-often-than-not), heartbroken roommates who make Lady McBeth look positively cheerful and potential soulmates who don’t really want to part with their souls or hearts, thank you very much!!!
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Millie’s Fling is an example of truly entertaining British chick-lit. No vindictive, retail-therapy obsessed heroines and no devastatingly-perfect heroes. What you get instead is a fairly realistic take on what finding love is all about. And when it’s generously peppered with loads of humour, you know that you have a sure-fire winner on your hands.

The Girl Who Could Fly

"My ma told me that there isn't anything in this life worth having
that comes easy. She told me that every road I walk down's gonna have a price.
But what she didn't tell me and what I learned since I've been here is that if
you don't choose the road you're gonna walk, sooner or later someone else'll do
that choosing for you."
~ Piper McCloud

Every once in a while there comes across a book that is seemingly perfect in every way. It may have nothing new to offer by way of plot, characters or story progression…and yet by the time you reach the last page, you are left with a feeling of resolution and contentment. ‘The Girl Who Could Fly’ is one such book.

Piper McCloud is a talkative country girl born to the brusque and non-fanciful pair of Betty and Joe McCloud. The McClouds just want to fit into the small but inquisitive farming community. Anything extraordinary must be stifled and must never reach the malicious ears of the town-gossip; Millie Mae Miller. And there IS something extraordinary brewing at the McCloud homestead – Piper. Piper can fly. She can soar up into the sky, twirl through clouds, and get a bird’s view of all the secret happenings in the village. But despite her parents’ best efforts, Piper’s secret unravels before the village folk in an unexpected manner. In danger of being ostracized and suddenly in the eye of a publicity storm…Piper finds herself in a tizzy.

And then like a shining beacon, comes the beautiful Dr.Letitia Hellion and her entourage of expressionless dark suits. Without much persuasion, they whisk Piper off to a top-secret, maximum security institute for special children called I.N.S.A.N.E. (think X-Men and yet, not so much like the X-Men). Finally, Piper is attending a proper school, making hesitant friends and vindictive enemies. She is seeing the world from a different view-point. Dr.Hellion’s view-point. The good(?) doctor has soon got Piper convinced that flying is a bad and downright dangerous thing. Something which must not be repeated at any cost. And Piper agrees…her spirit is submerged and her one great desire in life, heavily doused under a promising layer of a luxurous lifestyle.

But something is rotten in the state of Denmark , or at I.N.S.A.N.E.to be more precise. What lurks behind the seemingly gentle and caring façade of Dr.Hellion? Is mean and nasty fellow student, Conrad really a rotten egg? What experiments are being conducted at the different levels of the institute? Who are the friends and who are the foes?

All this and much more are revealed in the story of Piper McCloud – an optimistic, feisty and extraordinary little girl. Victoria Forester has a delightful way of weaving a plot. She creates a picture that pulls you in, adds in a few homilies which are pertinent to the plot, churns out an eclectic bunch of characters who never stay true to their profiles and ultimately gives a twist that leaves you smiling at it’s sheer brilliance.

While the resolution of certain pitfalls may seem a tad too pat for many readers’ liking…I personally felt that it was a welcome change from the unnecessary taffy-pulling that some of today’s YA-Lit are subjected to. No monologues, no unnecessary dialogues and characters with enough gumption to hold all the threads in place. An adventure encompassed in 300 odd pages is not a bad thing at all…especially when there’s an author like Forester at the helm, keeping it together with her superlative story-telling abilities.

The nut doesn't fall far from the tree.....

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me,
but I think she enjoyed it. ~ Mark Twain

Mum...thank you for not bursting a blood vessel when...

~ I tried to swim in electrified fountains

~ I dropped earthworms/ centipedes/ lizards into your lap so that you could admire their subtle charms and facial contortions.

~ I fell from trees/ toppled into ditches/ rolled down slopes/ walked into transparent French-windows (and this was before the advent of St.Gobain)

~ I made you surrogate mum for every pup/ kitten/ bird that just happened to ‘follow’ me home.

~ I managed to turn every white item of clothing into something the cat-dragged-in.

~ I rushed headlong into lampposts and created vampire-happy pools of blood

~ I chewed your ear with my mind-numbingly boring ramblings on my crushes

~ I subjected you to my early cooking fiascos. You turning pea-green over Strawberry Cheesecake was not part of my grand plan.……

Happy Mother’s Day .......to a mum who is wicked-mad and a bigger nut than me! :)

Café Terrace at Night (Vincent van Gogh)

In an attempt to nudge my heathen soul from it’s perpetual siesta, I have decided to look up one piece of Art everyday. Today’s pièce de résistance is Vincent van Gogh’s Café Terrace at Night also known as The Café Terrace on the Place du Forum.

My View/ Ramblings : Old world charm has always been my weakness. Throw in a sleepy little café which is so unlike the pretentious, chain-store coffee shops that pop up with alarming regularity and I have one of my many daydreams recreated in splendid oil-paints. As I sit here in Mumbai, sweltering away in the mother-of-all summers…I try to imagine (and fervently hope) that someday I will be sitting in this very same-café - under the stars, with a crinkly-eyed partner - exchanging dreams, thoughts, gossip (non-slanderous, ofcourse) as the glasses chink and the cutlery clicks. We will people-watch, smile happily and non-stalkerishly at passers-by, listen to some softly piped music coming from an unknown source and demolish a no-holds barred dinner with nary a thought to calories and love-handles.

Ah the joys of heat-induced hallucinations…

The Artist’s View: (This is what Van Gogh wrote in a letter to his sister)

“I was only interrupted by my work on a new painting representing the
exterior of a night café. On the terrace there are small figures of people
drinking. An immense yellow lantern illuminates the terrace, the facade, the
side walk and even casts light on the paving stones of the road which take a
pinkish violet tone. The gables of the houses, like a fading road below a blue
sky studded with stars, are dark blue or violet with a green tree. Here you have
a night painting without black, with nothing but beautiful blue and violet and
green and in this surrounding the illuminated area colours itself sulphur pale
yellow and citron green. It amuses me enormously to paint the night right on the
spot. Normally, one draws and paints the painting during the daytime after the
sketch. But I like to paint the thing immediately. It is true that in the
darkness I can take a blue for a green, a blue lilac for a pink lilac, since it
is hard to distinguish the quality of the tone. But it is the only way to get
away from our conventional night with poor pale whitish light, while even a
simple candle already provides us with the richest of yellows and oranges”

Twitterature

Thanks to two articulate AND disrespectful nineteen year olds, the world’s greatest classics have now been condensed to their impurest form.

Twitterature makes you smile…It does. While the purists would gasp aloud and turn red to see the much loved tomes reduced to a bunch of impudent tweets, the imp inside us all is wholly entertained.

My favourite was the hack-job on Romeo and Juliet. Have copied it here for your reading pleasure:

ROMEO AND JULIETBy William Shakespeare
@DefNotAHomeo
@JulieBaby
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My family won’t stop fighting the Capulets. Life should be a party. Make love, not war!
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Here comes my benevolent cousin, Mercutio
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Ah, how I love women! No, not that OLD woman. New woman. I shall have no fun at this party, thinking of this woman I love…
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WTF is Mercutio talking about? Everyone knows fairies don’t exist! Whoa. Hot babe cometh near. Must try the uninvited grind.
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She totally digs it! Ah, sin! Sin again! I’m such a wit, and such a pimp.
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Uh-oh. She’s a Capulet. Methinks this can go nowhere good, but why stop now?
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Later: Maybe if I stick around I can get a glimpse of her through the window.
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D DefNotAHomeo: Psst. Wherefore art thou?
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D JulieBaby: What do you mean ‘where am I’ ??? I’m right under the balcony! Does no one understand English any more?
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Her nurse asketh if I want to marry Juliet. She is the sun but this is waaay to fast. Am I being punk’d?!? Where’s Ashton Kutcher?
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D Tybalt: Why are you hitting me? I can barely Direct Message the question with your sword up my a**.
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Mercutio, you horse dropping. Why’d you have to die? @PrinceOfCats: One of us is joining him…NOT IT!
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Sometime’s you kill your wife’s cousin in a duel, and then you have to go to Mantua to hide out. Yeah, life sux.
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What? Juliet is dead?!? No! Orders to kill me on the spot? No! Curse the stars that led me to believe in Hollywood Endings.
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I have my poison, will return to Verona, take care of business.
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Found fair Juliet. She’s dead, and definitely not faking it! (Didn’t move when I poked her.) Alas, I must drink this terrible brew.
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‘O, I am fortune’s fool!’ Maybe just a tool. And so I die. BTW that other woman I was into before Juliet? Would’ve been a safer bet.
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D DefNotAHomeo: Wake up, my love. C’mon. Fun’s over. Wake up. Quit it! Not funny. Where’s Ashton? Oh shit.
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Bottoms up.
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@Montague, @Capulet: Can’t we all just get along?
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