Say Hello to the Human Gola!

My legs are fairly deceptive......a quick glance reveals scrawny ankles, slender calves and knobbly knees. The general perception is…ok, slim girl in the vicinity. It’s only as the unsuspecting eyes travel upwards and they widen in disbelief!!

W-oah!!…stocky lass perched precariously on spindly legs!?! How do my weedy legs bear the weight of my ‘pleasantly-plump’ body? How? How? I have been a passive member of the fitness brigade since time immemorial. I routinely get inspired by the toned bods, the diet-fads, the workout-sessions and all the ‘get-healthy’ paraphernalia that drops out like pigeon-goop from the dailies.

Sounds so easy and looks so promising. Could I actually look like that? Could the mini-van tires and not-so-lovely love handles disappear in a month? Could I actually fit into all that gorgeous spandex without looking like a human pig-in-the-blanket??

Being painfully shy to approach the local gym, I settle for the unfettered joys of walking. One more excuse to shop for some delectable joggin’ togs! Walking suits me to a tee. Minimum friction, minimum jiggle, minimum embarrassment and minimum exertion.

So am off, strutting my colourful plumage for all it’s worth…beaming broadly at fellow-walkers. .........My new found happiness vanishes quickly enough when a person of “considerable substance” (am all for being politically correct!!) overtakes me effortlessly. In a feeble attempt at one-upmanship, I buckle up and try to overtake her. After a couple of pants and wheezes, I manage to do just that.

My pea-sized brain marvels at this mini-victory. Hey, I am not so bad after all!! As I continue to strut, basking in my new-found glory……I am rudely overtaken by a bunch of chirpy and bandy-legged senior citizens!....WHAT??....WHERE!?!....HOW!!!.....Not happening…so not happening! I have got to get my act together!! Getting my sorry a** whipped by people twice my size and thrice my age is ripping my already-fragile ego to tiny bits!....ARRRRRRGH!!!